Trips sur le trottoir

Remember that lovely image of the relaxed flaneur walking the boulevards of Paris without purpose? He (or she) is observing the gentle rythmns of life, admiring the elegant buildings and gazing with interest and wonder at the extragant and gorgeous creations of couture and confection changed weekly, or even daily, by talented shop assistants? A leisurely stroll between pavement cafes, perhaps? Well, forget it - walking the streets of Paris today is a nightmare. Officially, 16 pedestrians were killed last year (3 times the number of cyclists) and the numbers of wounded are not easily found. Pedestrians are the bottom of the going places transport heap.
Pavement hazards? Dog mess is the smallest of them. Paris may no longer be 'dog mess capital of the world' thanks to the clean up efforts of the green councillor entrusted by Delanoe, Mayor of Paris, or due instead to a declining rate of dog ownership in the city - believe what you will. Frankly, the streets were cleaner 20 years ago under Chirac and his pavement mobiles.
Today's trottoir terrors are far worse.
Should you choose to use them, or just give in and go everywhere by Metro (reasonably priced by London standards), you can expect to navigate your way along pavements through the large green and yellow municipal rubbish bins which block the narrowest of thoroughfares. When you do finally make it back on to the pavement you are likely to be run down by a cyclist tearing along it at breakneck speed with, or without, headphones. That last point only is age related. People of maturer years, those that you might think would have more consideration, desire to abide by the law or simply insight into the plight of the pedestrian, couldn't care less either. The arrival of the celebrated Velibs, meaning 'cycle freedom', has created a free for all on the pavements. Yes, there are cycle lanes expensively created but why use them when you can have licence to weave through pedestrians on the narrowest of crowded pavements, cycle on station platforms, through parks, in the elegant pedestrian corridors of the Palais Royale and even into oncoming crowds on pedestrian crossings?
Remember, pedestrians, cycles are king - but worry more about motobikes. These are the real menace on the pavements of Paris. Massed ranks of parked motorbikes are problem enough on every pavement but the moving ones are worse. Pavements are freely regarded as new by ways for motorbikes. Want to avoid a traffic jam, go up up a one way street in the opposite direction or simply get the length of the street to park your machine (your tyres are more important than people), then mount the pavement and carry on. Who cares after all?
Lastly, dear challenged foot folk, a word about crossing the road. Yes, there is a little green man which is visible sometimes if a lorry or coach has not parked on the crossing and obscured it. In theory, this means pedestrians have priority to cross the road safely. In practice, this means that cyclists are not required to stop, that motorcyclists won't stop and, if you are lucky, cars might. Bonne chance, good luck, may the force be with you. You have been warned!